Via Amblin

We were all excited to see the trailer for Jurassic World featuring Chris Pratt and a shark-eating dinosaur yesterday, but before Colin Trevorrow came aboard Jurassic World, there was the very long-gestating Jurassic Park 4. That original JP4 script, by John Sayles and Bill Monahan, involved weaponized dinosaur soldiers, or what look like human-dino hybrids. According to a 2007 post from Ain’t It Cool News, this was the synopsis for the screenplay:

The UN has created a task force to exterminate the dinosaurs […] A bad-ass heavily-armed United Nations task force versus the dinosaurs. Bring it on! But then the script throws its first major curve ball, introducing Nick Harris, an unemployed soldier of fortune. Nick’s the lead in the movie. Not Alan Grant. Not Ian Malcolm. Despite all the rumors to the contrary, those characters are not back for this film […] Hammond’s got a big idea: breed some new dinosaurs that can’t reproduce and introduce them into the wild population. A Judas strain that will kill off the dinosaurs within one generation. Easy enough, except the UN has outlawed any breeding of new dinosaurs by anyone and they’ve prohibited the sale, mining, or possession of amber worldwide. Hammond’s got scientists ready and waiting to go, but he needs genetic material to work with.

Here’s a description of those “soldiers”:

Achilles, Hector, Perseus, Orestes, and Spartacus, each of them a specially created deinonychus, which is sort of like a miniature T-rex. They have super-sensitive smell and hearing, incredible strength and speed and pack-hunting instincts, and they have modified forelegs, lengthened and topped with more dextrous fingers, as well as dog DNA for increased obedience and human DNA so they can solve problems well. All of this is topped off with a drug-regulating implant that can dose them with adrenaline or serotonin as the situation demands.

Concept artist Carlos Huante and Industrial Light & Magic even went so far as to create concept images for Jurassic Park, and I think it’s safe to say that we should be relieved that the original film was scrapped in favor of Trevorrow’s version.

Via Carlos Huante

Via Carlos Huante

Via Carlos Huante

Via Carlos Huante

It’s been made clear to me that Chris Pratt is not actually in control of the raptors from the Jurassic World trailer. It breaks my heart to re-read that and then type it out, but that is the world we’re living in at the moment and it’s all Colin Trevorrow’s fault.

But at the same time, here he is, Tweeting out images of Chris Pratt hanging out with raptor friends in promo images for the film. How is my mind not supposed to go back to a team of raptors under the control of their handler friend, going on adventures across this tropical island, battling a test tube monstrosity that shouldn’t exist in a movie that probably shouldn’t have been made.

Via Universal / Uproxx

My heart doesn’t know what to think. Stop toying with it.

(Via Colin Trevorrow)

Warner Bros.

Samuel L. Jackson has appeared in around 100 movies that have brought in more than $6 billion in box office receipts if you count his starring roles, his cameo appearances in the Marvel movie universe, and his brief appearances in Jurassic Park and the Star Wars franchise.

Because of this expansive resume, it’s not surprising that Jackson has died in so many of his films. But while the frequency of his on-screen deaths often gets the bulk of the attention, the impact of many of those scenes is what’s really notable.

Warning: There Are Samuel L. Jackson Movie Death Spoilers Throughout

Goodfellas

Stacks Edwards had a simple task that he royally f*cked up. When that happened, Tommy (Joe Pesci) shot him in the back of the head, leaving Stacks to die on the floor of his sh*tty apartment while Frankie Carbone fiddled with the coffee pot. Jackson wasn’t on the screen enough to contribute much to this Scorsese classic, he didn’t even shout at anyone, but the character’s death signified the begining of the end for Henry, Jimmy, and Tommy’s crooked nirvana, ushering in an era of paranoia and even more violence.

Jungle Fever

Here’s Jackson in an interview with Esquire about his personal connection to the role of Gator Purify:

I was the crackhead in Jungle Fever. I was two weeks out of rehab. I’d been smoking cocaine for a year and a half, two years, and I understood the nature of the disease. I had done the research. So when I started talking to Spike [Lee] about it, I said, “You don’t see him high that much. You always see him when he needs something. He’s on a mission to get some sh*t. That’s what I wanna do.” And that was my breakthrough. That got me into Hollywood. It was the perfect marriage of experience and opportunity.

Unfortunately, that “mission” took Gator back to his family home where his father (Ossie Davis) passed judgement on him for his wicked ways and shot Gator in the gut for trying to shake a few extra dollars out of his mother (Ruby Dee). The death is shocking and it alters the film, but Dee’s heartbreaking emotional explosion is what really stays with you.

Jurassic Park 

Despite the fact that Jackson worked his way into our consciousness as a character actor, he’s never really felt like part of the scenery. The guy has always been one of the most interesting parts of every scene that he’s been in and Jurassic Park is the perfect example. As was the case in Spielberg’s Jaws, the awe inspiring effects are the star of Jurassic Park, but Jackson’s “Hold onto your butts” line is almost on par with Roy Scheider’s “You’re gonna need a bigger boat” line, and it’s all in the delivery and Jackson’s magnetism. Because of this, it’s easy to give a damn about his relatively minor character. Which makes his death the most impactful one in the film. Sorry, Newman.

187 

Jackson plays a deeply traumatized teacher who winds up shooting himself in the head while trying to get through to a student/gang banger during a game of Russian Roulette. “Macho is bullsh*t!” yells Jackson before he grabs the gun and unleashes the fatal shot. Not exactly a feel good romp and barely something that fits as an impactful death due to the bleak ending. But it’s still a powerful scene and a good bit of acting by Jackson.

Amblin/Universal

Man, I was born too early. LEGO has tinkered with doing Jurassic Park stuff in the past, but they’re going all in for Jurassic World. The next LEGO video game will probably be based on Jurassic World and now, thanks to a leaked promotional image, we know the movie will also be the basis of multiple new LEGO building sets.

You can check out the first image of the new Jurassic World Lego theme below…

For those who don’t read French, the image says Jurassic World Lego hits shelves in June, 2015 and that there will be six building sets. For those that can’t comprehend awesome, the image contains a LEGO T-rex, pterodactyl and velociraptors and LEGO BD Wong looks to be holding an amber-encased mosquito.

So yeah, again, I was born too early, although 11-year-old me probably would have died of pure joy at the sight of a Jurassic Park LEGO set, so maybe it’s for the best.

Via Leg Godt

Via Alejo Malia

Artist Alejo Malia has created a very tricky sort of dinosaur with this series of art pieces depicting the dinosaurs of Jurassic Park as delicious treats. There’s a harmless Cupcakeceratops, a deceptively deadly Cookieraptor, and the Donutsaurus Rex you see above. How The Simpsons never did an episode about this, I don’t know.

This isn’t the first time that Malia has brought two contrasting culture items together for his work. Back in 2010 he completed a set of illustrations that got some attention, depicting Google Maps famous icons as real world fixtures that filled the landscape. He also had some fun with the Starbucks logo last year, depicting a different type of customer within each.

You can check out the rest below, but be sure to check out the rest of Malia’s work and throw him a little support over at his main web site. I’ll just be here wondering what I would do in a theme park inhabited by gigantic confectionery monsters. I can tell you who’d be perfect for a job at the park: Fat Chris Pratt. Get back to not working, Starlord.

Via Alejo Malia

Via Alejo Malia

Via Alejo Malia

Via Alejo Malia

Via Alejo Malia

(Via Alejo Malia / Bēhance / Laughing Squid)

Shutterstock (original)/United Artists/Warner Bros.

On Friday, Chris Hemsworth sets down Mjölnir to take on a far less realistic role than that of a god living on another world – this world’s greatest computer hacker. In Blackhat, Hemsworth plays Nicholas Hathaway, an imprisoned computer genius who just so happens to be the only man who can stop a worldwide conspiracy, and so he’s released on the condition that he helps the U.S. and Chinese intelligence agencies in catching a mysterious bad guy. Based on the trailers, clips and commercials, he also happens to be great with a gun and built for action, and to top it all off, he ain’t too hard to look at, am I right, ladies?

Directed by Michael Mann, who says that his hackers are “the real thing,” Blackhat looks like your standard cookie-cutter Hollywood story of the big bad gubment getting into a ton of trouble, only to be bailed out by an unlikely ally who also happens to be a troublemaker. But more than anything, this is a movie based around one of my all-time favorite tropes – the super-sexy or hunky cyber-criminal who ends up saving the world. Not all movie hackers are portrayed like this, mind you, but these movies are only at their best (read: hilariously worst) when the actor portraying the computer genius is so unrealistically attractive that you can’t even focus on the movie, because you’re just sitting there yelling, “Seriously? People’s Sexiest Man Alive is the only guy who can decode the green mess on the screen and grumble, ‘Jakarta’? Get the f*ck outta here.”

In honor of Blackhat – an action movie being released in the January box office graveyard, which means the studio has all the faith in its success – I have assembled my own team of handsome researchers and sexy scientists to create this very important ranking of movie hackers that will get us all hot and bothered.

20) Jamie Harrold, The Score

Lives in his mom’s basement? Check. Yells at her when she calls down to him? Check. His computer area is a mess? Check. He looks like he hasn’t been outside in weeks? Check. He can break into whichever security system that the master thief requires access to? Check. There’s nothing sexy about Harrold’s hacker. He’s just a genius with a computer, sitting back and collecting a large amount of money from Robert De Niro. Learn how to dress, cyber-chump.

19) Wayne Knight, Jurassic Park

Universal Pictures

The greatest hackers or computer geniuses are typically those who are motivated by wealth, just as Dennis Nedry was willing to rip off Jurassic Park and put lives at risk to line his own pockets. As far as looks, style and swagger, though, Dennis was a bronto-sore-eye, if you get what I’m uploading to your hard drives. But the biggest rule of them all for you aspiring hackers out there is don’t get killed before you can spend your money. Especially by a dinosaur. That’s pretty embarrassing.

18) Alan Cumming, Goldeneye

MGM

A Russian geek with plenty of attitude and bravado, a love for riddles, and a thirst for attacking the free world from behind a firewall? Boris Grishenko was a perfect James Bond mini-villain, a gifted antagonist who was too conceited to see his flaws. Chief among them was a bad haircut and horrible shirt game. A real hacker needs to dress the part, perhaps a slim-fitting suit or something a little more modern and trendy.

17) Ilan Mitchell-Smith, Weird Science

Universal Pictures

If this ranking was based purely on computer giftedness, Wyatt (and maybe Gary) might have been the first dork inducted into the Movie Hacker Hall of Fame. The guy not only managed to manipulate time and mass through a dial-up connection, but he created Kelly LeBrock, who was some sort of a cyber-sorceress with the power to turn a human man into a talking frog turd. But because this is heavily based on looks and sex appeal, Wyatt and the bra on his head are coming up short.

Universal Pictures

16) Jimmi Simpson, White House Down

Columbia Pictures

While White House Down was arguably the best film released in 2013 (and possibly the history of modern cinema), the biggest flaw was the world’s greatest hacker… Skip Tyler. You’re going to give us THE WORLD’S GREATEST HACKER, a guy who can sit in a room filled with monitors and make them all share one image (I can’t even set my desktop wallpaper), all while wearing a cool leather coat and having a quirky trait like sucking on a lollipop, and his name is… Skip Tyler? Is this dude aiding in the theft of nuclear launch codes or delivering your paper? Also, his death was really embarrassing for the hacker community. A lot of points left on the table by… Skip Tyler.

15) Seth Green, The Italian Job

Paramount Pictures

Not only was Lyle the real Napster, but he was also able to hack into an entire city’s traffic grid and cause car accidents by directing traffic through stoplight manipulation. But that’s amateur hour. He typed a message to the traffic control people across a series of screens with the revelation that what we thought we knew about Napster wasn’t true at all. Stealing music was just a red herring! As for looks, though, well… the real Napster had to use the world’s loudest stereo system to forcibly remove a woman’s clothing, so he was kind of a sex criminal.

14) Matthew Broderick, WarGames

United Artists

Movies like WarGames were very irresponsible, not because they spread the irrational terror of impending Cold War doom that Hollywood magnificently profited on in the 80s, but because they made a young Burnsy believe that he could hack into the school’s computers and, with a few clicks, change his grades to all A’s. WarGames was also hilarious because while we mock movies like Divergent and The Hunger Games today for their stupid “Only the smart, sexy young people can stop the mean adults!” plots, it helped blaze the trail for young adult nonsense (although Red Dawn was the foundation). That said, David was such an adorable scamp of a hacker who saved the world from the mess that he unknowingly started.

13) Eric Bogosian, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory

Sweaty, loud and mean, Travis Dane was the perfect stereotype of the disgruntled former government employee seeking revenge for his firing. However, he was also a huge idiot. First of all, if someone offers you a billion dollars to destroy the East coast and you retrieve the codes that you need to fire the super-secret satellite weapon, just fire the damn weapon. More importantly, when you find out Casey Ryback is on the train you hijacked, blow everything up (Katherine Heigl included) and get your ass out of there before he karate chops you into a million pieces and proves that brawn always beats brains. This is a mostly superficial exercise, though, and Travis Dane looked like a lizard with curly hair.

12) Justin Long, Live Free or Die Hard

20th Century Fox

It’s one thing if you’re a super cool hacker living in the Big Apple, accepting huge sums of money from exotic women in exchange for algorithms that can cripple complex security systems. But when you’ve got the all-American, John Q. Everyboy charm of Justin Long’s Matt Farrell, you’ve got a chance to win the heart of Lucy McClain if her father can keep you alive against the world’s best-trained cyberterrorists. Sorry, today’s biggest action stars, but in a post-Y2K world, the hackers are getting all the babes.

11) GQ, What’s the Worst that Could Happen?

MGM

I completely forgot that this movie existed until it aired on a random cable channel the other day, and I just had to include the movie’s hacker, Shelly Nix, on this list. For starters, he has my favorite movie hacker talent of all-time – he can basically just type some sh*t and he immediately has the headshot and itinerary of the CEO’s assistant. Also, as he boasts in one scene, he can shut down AOL for an hour if he felt like it. Remember AOL? But much more importantly, this guy was like the hip hop hacker, and the guy who played Shelly (who goes by just GQ) is a fascinating human being.

YouTube

In some exciting news, actor with the awesome laugh, Jeff Goldbum, is going to be a first-time father at 62 years old. He and his gymnast wife, Emilie Livingston, are set to be the proud parents of a little boy. The couple (who wed in November, in what was called a lovely and low-key ceremony) could hardly hold back their excitement during a recent appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman. 

Goldblum told Letterman he found out one day before he and his wife got married, and seemed like he couldn’t be more delighted with the news. It’s a boy, and his name as of right now is Elliot Charlie. The kid already sounds worldly and hasn’t even been born yet. Super props to Goldblum for deciding to go all “dad” at 62. Most men have thrown up their hands by that point, and he’s just getting started.

Plus, with a gymnast for a mom and Jeff Goldblum for a dad, those genes are going to be something special.

Via UsWeekly

First things first: Jurassic Park is awesome. This isn’t really in dispute, but it’s worth mentioning anyway every now and then just to refresh people’s minds. I mean, Jeff Goldblum played a cool-ass math scientist in a leather jacket and a dinosaur blasted a kid with snot. What more do you people want? For the love of God, this was ART.

Additionally, the film featured my favorite movie villain ever: the giant Tyrannosaurus Rex that terrorized the park, as depicted in the scene above. Sure, other movie villains have had the luxury of things like “words” and “functional upper body appendages” and “motivations beyond just eating children and knocking over off-road vehicles,” but isn’t all of that overrated, really? Say what you will about someone like Hans Gruber from Die Hard, but it would probably take him hours to eat a whole person. Incredibly inefficient, in this reporter’s opinion.

Here are some favorites from the staff. Feel free to add yours in the comments.

Vince Mancini:

Bill the Butcher is so good that the rest of Gangs of New York could be about Cameron Diaz starting an improv troupe and I’d still love it (I think I’m the only one who even remembers that she was in that movie). Him tapping the blade of his knife against his fake eye has to be the most badass villain move of all time. That accent, the pre-Gilded Age slang… it’s so perfect. I love that speech he’s giving where he’s reminiscing fondly about the guy who kicked his ass the best. “My face was pulp. My guts was pierced, my ribs was all mashed up. And when he came to finish me, I couldn’t look him in the eye. He spared me, because he wanted me to live in shame. This was a great man. A great man. So I cut out the eye that looked away, I sent it to him wrapped in blue paper. I would’ve cut them both out if I could have fought him blind. And I rose back up again with a full heart… and buried him in his own blood. He was the only man I ever killed worth remembering.”

He’s almost literary, except on the page, we never would’ve gotten to see that scene where he and his buddies are strutting around in top hats with ridiculously patterned slacks, with competing loud vests and canes, probably my favorite costume design of all time. It’s a great villain that can be terrifying while looking like he skinned your grandma’s couch.

Cajun Boy:

Jaws, played by Richard Kiel, from the Bond movies. I had recurring nightmares when I was a kid about that guy, specifically that he was trying to bite off my nose as I desperately tried to push him away. I still get a little freaked when I see him.

Burnsy:

David Lo Pan

Let’s put aside the FACT that Big Trouble in Little China is the greatest movie of all-time for just a second and try to look at this through unbiased green eyes. Lo Pan is two bad guys in one, spending his days as a crotchety old man in a wheel chair, running the Wing Kong and waiting for the right girl to come along. That girl, of course, is the rarest of the rare – a Chinese girl with green eyes. Once he has her, he can undo the curse that has burdened him for so long and rise again as a sorcerer that will conquer the world, with the help of his Three Storms. Sure, he’s undone by a fast-talking, hapless truck driver with a boot knife, but you know what ol’ Jack Burton says at a time like this? What the hell.

Dustin Rowles:

Buddy Ackerman, Swimming with Sharks (1994) — People don’t talk about one of the most underappreciated movies of the 1990s enough, because Swimming with Sharks kind of got lost in all the Tarantino and Pulp Fiction hype of 1994. However, Sharks was one of the sharpest, cruelest, most vicious Hollywood satires of the decade. In it, Kevin Spacey plays Buddy Ackerman, a kind of cross between Alec Baldwin in Glengarry Glen Ross and Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada, a studio executive who is viciously mean to his personal assistant, Guy (played by Frank Whaley). Buddy bullies, humiliates, abuses, and cruelly taunts Buddy so much that Buddy eventually breaks and kidnaps and tortures his boss until one of the film arrives at one of the most f*cked-up, dark twists you’ll ever see. Spacey is electric in this film, and it still remains my favorite of all of his performances.

Stacey Ritzen:

This might not be my favorite movie villain, but it’s at least the one I thought of off the top of my head: John Heard’s character in Big. Now hear me out here. He was such a dick to Tom Hanks! OK, I guess that’s my only argument, but he was really good at being a dick. He also taught us a little something about finding joy in life, because in the end Tom Hanks got the promotion and the girl. Which was … weird. I still will always love that movie though.

Kris Maske:

This is low-hanging but I have to be true to myself because that’s just the sort of person I am. Keyser Söze is the answer. There’s probably a direct correlation to the number of times I’ve watched The Usual Suspects, but even pretty much knowing the film by heart I still get all geeked out at the end. The build up, the pitch perfect reveal. “Chazz Palminteri, you f*cking sucker!” Oh man, it never gets old. And Kevin Spacey is an OK actor, I guess.

Jason Tabrys:

Ed Rooney — Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

I kinda feel bad calling Ed Rooney a villain. Jess made the case that Rooney was just an educator doing his job on the Thanksgiving episode of New Girl this year, but despite the righteousness of his cause, he came to symbolize the bland and cold authority figures that 80s and 90s kids were taught to mock and thwart by smart-ass heroes like Bueller, Zach Morris, and every character that Bill Murray played for the first 25 years of his career. If forced to choose, I’m always going to side with the smartasses and their continuing problem with authority, so eat it, Rooney.

Ryan Perry:

The O’Doyles from Billy Madison. A family of ginger-mopped heathens doesn’t acquire a mantra like “O’Doyle Rules!” without… well, okay, they probably gave it to themselves. But if they didn’t? Pretty awesome.

Josh Kurp:

My dad likes to tell/mock me that when I was six, we saw Dennis the Menace and I wanted to leave midway through the movie, not because it was terrible (it is!), but because I was TERRIFIED of Christopher Lloyd’s character, Switchblade Sam. He’s my Freddy Krueger.

Jamie Frevele:

This might strike some as odd and tame, but I keep coming back to Alfred Molina’s Otto Octavius in Spider-Man 2. He was, by far, NOT the badassiest, most evil supervillain in a movie ever, but that’s what made his villainy so upsetting to me. This was really the first time I watched a movie about a good guy, a brilliant man who acquired power, experienced a devastating accident, and made terrible, terrible decisions that harmed people and caused mass destruction. Octavius lost himself in power when he lost control, and I think that’s at the root of so many bad guys — they seek out power when they feel powerless and then misuse it. But he was such a compelling character because he was so tragic. He was still so human, and I thought that was really kinda beautiful. Doc Oc was an utter train wreck and I couldn’t look away. Maybe I’m a softie, though. Or maybe I’m just a writer.

Robo Panda:

Castle Rock Entertainment / Meme Generator

Annie Wilkes from Misery.

I choose Annie f*cking Wilkes.

I’m her biggest fan.

Castle Rock Entertainment

Yours below.

Are you excited for Jurassic World, but not sure if you can keep all that incredibly complex Jurassic Park backstory straight in your head? How can you possibly enjoy watching a velociraptor devour somebody if you don’t know the raptor’s origin story and motivations?

Well, the TL;DW guys are here to recap all three Jurassic Parks in around three minutes, which was definitely necessary, because I’d pretty much forgotten Jurassic Park 3 even existed. Let’s hope we all don’t need a Jurassic World recap a few years down the line.

via io9

Universal

We know we’re getting a new Jurassic World trailer during the Super Bowl this Sunday, but it seems we’re also getting a look at the big bad monster that will be terrorizing the park this summer. But even before Sunday dawns on the world, The folks over at Screen Crush sniffed out some tidbits regarding this genetically engineered beast that is being called Indominus Rex.

The information was tucked in over at the official Jurassic World site and it opens the door on the make up of the creature and what we can expect:

We set out to make Indominus the most fearsome dinosaur ever to be displayed at Jurassic World. The genetic engineers at our Hammond Creation Lab have more than delivered.

At first glance, Indominus most closely resembles a T. Rex. But its distinctive head ornamentation and ultra-tough bony osteoderms can be traced from theropods known as Abeliosaurs. Indominus’ horns have been placed above the eye orbit through genetic material hybridized from Carnotaurus, Majungasaurus, Rugops and Gigantosaurus. Fearsome indeed.

You can see what they mean in this silhouette image from the page, displaying a lot of spiny bits and sharp teeth that would seem poised to rip through any dinosaurs, parkgoers, or devilishly handsome caretakers that it may encounter.

Universal

If that wasn’t fearsome enough, check out how loud this thing is going to be:

Indominus’ roar is estimated to reach 140-160db —the same as a 747 taking off and landing. And it can reach speeds of 30 miph…while confined to its enclosure. Come experience Indominus Rex for yourself beginning this summer. If you dare.

Universal

First thing that pops into mind with these movies, especially now that we’re creating dinosaurs that never existed at all, is why? Why make something like this when you could put all your money into the healthcare industry and make a lot more cash. Clone human organs or something!

Instead, we’re cloning monsters and running a theme park. Building space orb cars, electric fences, keeping maintenance staff on the budget, all so we can house some monsters that have a history of busting loose and killing everybody. Throw in a super dinosaur and things just seem like a poor idea. Great for a movie, but poor for someone running a theme park.

(Via Screen Crush / The Verge / Jurassic World)

“It’s killing for sport.” So warns Chris Pratt about the terrifying mutated dinosaur in the Super Bowl spot for Jurassic World. This time we aren’t just seeing dinosaurs eating sharks:

But we’re also getting pterodactyls kidnapping moms and Chris Pratt training an army of personal velociraptors.

Via fyjurassicworld

Via Universal / Uproxx

June 12th can’t get here fast enough.

We’ve suspected for some time now that Jurassic World would be getting its own LEGO game, but now Warner Bros. and TT Games have finally dropped some real details about LEGO Jurassic World. The biggest and best news is that the game won’t only cover the upcoming Jurassic World, but the entire Jurassic Park series. Yes, that’s right, you’re going to be getting LEGO Jeff Goldblum and LEGO snotty lawyers getting eaten off LEGO toilets.

LEGO Jurassic World is slated to come out this summer. I haven’t been overly wowed by some of the recent LEGO games, but come on, there’s no way I’m not getting excited for game with both LEGO Samuel L. Jackson and LEGO Chris Pratt in it. Hopefully the developers at TT Games spare no expense.

With a fourth Jurassic Park movie, Jurassic World, moving in herds to the theater, we’re looking forward to all the new parodies seeking to recapture some of the magic of the melodica cover and the Jeff Goldblum laugh remixes.

One of the first new parodies comes from Darren Wallace, who has added several little touches to the first Jurassic World trailer. We had to watch it four times to catch everything, like the way he somehow improved the already awesome scene of Chris Pratt riding a motorcycle with his raptor best buds.

Via Youtube

Via Dorkly

Universal

Forget casting, and forget rumors about the plot. It’s time to get down to brass tacks and talk about important matters, such as which dinosaurs we can expect in Jurassic World. Look no further than the Jurassic World website, which recently updated with images and profiles of six new, wacky dinos. Well, new to the Jurassic Park franchise. Obviously, all these guys have been around for a minimum of 65 million years.

Universal

“The Suchomimus is known for the distinctive sail on its lower back and the huge, foot-long claws on each thumb that it uses to catch fish.”

Hopefully that thumb doesn’t end up someplace else (I’m secretly hoping that thumb ends up someplace else).

Universal

“Baryonyx is one of the largest fish-eating dinosaurs. Its crocodile-like head and dangerous claws make it a master hunter of rivers and lakes for Cretaceous-era sushi.”

Universal

“Dimophodon is one of our park’s pterosaurs, or flying reptiles. It evolved to soar through the Jurassic skies, with large eyes, quick jaws and sharp talons perfect for catching fish, or other prey.”

What’s with all the fish-eating dinos? Does Jurassic World actually take place underwater? Remember, you heard it here first, folks.

Universal

With just over two months to go before Jurassic World terrorizes theaters, the film’s ad campaign is steadily providing more material to eager fans. The latest bit included an Easter-themed tease on Twitter earlier today:

A few of the eggs pictured included legible QR codes that, if accessed right, treated fans to a gallery of high quality images from the film. Most were screen shots we’ve seen before, but the still above was brand new — a book written by Dr. Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum) titled God Creates Dinosaurs.

If you don’t get the reference, here’s a quick reminder:

I look forward to the sequel, Woman Inherits the Earth.

(Via Twitter and Coming Soon)

Universal

It’s understood that the definitive cover of the Jurassic Park theme song involves the melodica, but Chris Pratt’s is pretty good, too. To promote a new movie clip that’s going to premiere during a commercial break on a channel that used to play music videos — 2015 is the best/worst — Jurassic World star Pratt was asked by MTV to add lyrics to the iconic theme, which still stirs up enough emotions that I want to grab my motorcycle and ride beside the raptors.

If MTV was smart, they’d follow the clip with the “Walk the Dinosaur” video. They are not smart.

And for more of the best of the web…

Earlier today we heard MTV would be posting the first clip to Jurassic World sometime tonight, and that news was delivered in the best way possible: Chris Pratt singing his own made-up lyrics to the Jurassic Park theme. Now the clip has arrived, and it starts around twenty seconds into the Mountain Dew product placement video above.

Would you like to see Chris Pratt basically reprising Star-Lord while arguing about dinosaur ethics* and bad first dates with Bryce Dallas Howard and her impeccable ginger hair helmet? She’s trying to convince him to come work at the park because he can “control” the raptors, to which he snarks, “I don’t control the raptors; it’s a relationship. It’s based on mutual respect. That’s why you and I never had a second date.”

BURN. That’s a burn. Total mutually-respectful burn. Just look at all this mutual respect…

Via fyjurassicworld

Via Universal / Uproxx

* Actually, it’s about ethics in dinosaur cloning.

Universal

Movie studios are all shameless nostalgia pimps these days, waving their rainsticks trying to make everyone forget that Jurassic Park already had a bunch of crappy sequels. Anyway, Universal and director Colin Trevorrow are trying to convince us to kick the football one more time with Jurassic World, coming June 12th, and they just released this new poster. It features possibly sexist ice queen lady Bryce Dallas Howard (apparently playing the same character as Jodie Foster in Elysium or Charlize Theron in Prometheus) going nose to snout with the “indominus rex.” If you don’t remember that one from your childhood, that’s because Jurassic World‘s twist is genetically hybridized dinos.

At first glance, Indominus most closely resembles a T. rex. But its distinctive head ornamentation and ultra-tough bony osteoderms can be traced from Theropods known as Abelisaurs. Indominus’ horns have been placed above the eye orbit through genetic material hybridized from Carnotaurus, Majungasaurus, Rugops and Gigantosaurus. Fearsome indeed. [Official Site]

I guaran-god-damn-tee you that if Michael Bay had directed this, indominus rex would’ve had leopard skin and breathed fire. And possibly a borderline offensive Chinese accent.

Can they make a scary dinosaur movie in the age when you can just do everything in crappy CGI? I guess we’ll see.

Universal

Universal

Universal

Universal

Universal

Universal

Universal

Via Twitter

In preparation for Monday’s trailer reveal, another new poster has been released for Jurassic World. The focus this time is the huge underwater beast Mosasaurus, the one with a taste for shark from the initial trailer.

I can honestly say that I would not want to watch this giant during feeding time unless it was from the comfort of dry land. Seeing it in an aquarium would be disaster waiting to happen, just like that silverback gorilla attack.

Check back tomorrow for one more poster if we’re lucky and if not, for the trailer on Monday.

(Via Colin Trevorrow)

Universal has released a new clip of Jurassic World, and, well, it pretty much hits all the Jurassic Park sweet spots. A rugged dude running from a giant dino through a weird, fakey jungle? Check. Somebody fiddling with overly complex gate controls? Check. People having technical issues in a control room somewhere? Check. Um, a fat guy? Yup, this clip has it all.

We saw snippets of this clip in the second Jurassic World trailer, but now we get the full thing, including a couple of brief, but pretty clear shots of Indominus Rex. Check it out above.